HAPPY ANNIVERSARY~not??

Today is the three year anniversary of my divorce being final.  Goodness time flies… 20121008-202449.jpg

It sometimes baffles me how someone you were married to for over 22 years and knew them even longer than this, grow apart.  I think the last time we actually spoke was about two weeks ago.  I am not even sure the last time I saw him but it was probably a few weeks ago.  Even though I was the one who left, I still wish him well.  There are parts of me that still care alot~he is the dad of my three beautiful children.

I have had to do a lot of soul searching and grow up.  Still in the process of course at the age of 44.  I have made some big mistakes, and I have done lots of good things as well.  I fell madly in love with a married man (mistake) and someone at the time was my best friend-this relationship lasted two plus years.  .  I always knew it was a bad choice, but it all abruptly changed last year and we have moved forward-it has been hard.  I joined two fly fishing groups and made great friends through this, I work two jobs to make ends connect and work through my health issues.  I also have a kind boyfriend who loves to spoil me. 🙂  Who can complain about this….I am a lucky girl.

Sometimes, often I think of the what-if’s.  My brain goes into monkey mind, and I start thinking, what if I hadn’t left?  Would the kids be better off? Would things gotten better for us as a married couple?  What would be life like today?  I can’t stay in that mode too long or I start to beat myself up for leaving.  I still sometimes carry a huge amount of guilt for this.

My ex didn’t like celebrating christmas very much, so I took on the responsibility of making sure christmas was a wonderful tradition and memory for everyone each year.  From getting and trimming the tree, to making a huge christmas dinner for family and friends.   He gave me all the Christmas decorations and I was taking my snowmen out last night, lots of memories popped through my head of christmas’ past.   I have continued this tradition all except the dinner part~ and this year I am taking the plunge to make a big dinner for everyone as before.  Not sure where I will fit everyone in my tiny place, but I will figure it out.

Life is good despite the mistakes, life has been good to me.20121103-000335.jpg

About m

blessed in life. Nature lover, fly fishing enthusiast, school girl, mother, grandmother, wife, dog lover.
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6 Responses to HAPPY ANNIVERSARY~not??

  1. lg says:

    Life will continue to be great for you, because you’re a kind, caring & great person. You make people smile when you’re around them. Not a lot of people can do this.

  2. Dear heart, I share so deeply with you……..thank you for sharing. Blessings to you and yours. BRAVO ((btw lets go fishing))

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