Dear Valentine’s Day Diners,

1.) No you cannot have a “nice, quiet, romantic table.” Why? Because you and 5 million other people have decided to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day and have a “nice, quiet, romantic dinner.”
I have a table in a corner in a busy restaurant that seats 300 people and is always noisy and chaotic on Valentine’s Day.

2.) DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, ask me to put a diamond ring in a glass of champagne or on the dessert tray. This has been done a million times and completely lacks creativity. If you absolutely can’t resist this approach, know that you have a 50% chance that the person receiving the ring will throw it in your face – it’s happened.

3.) We base our reservations on an hour and half turn time. That means you have up to an hour and a half to have drinks, dinner and dessert with some time to spare to gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes or, more likely, play Candy Crush on your phone. After that – get out.
Did you happen to notice that the lobby was packed with people waiting for a table when you came in? Now is your chance to actually do something creative like…go to a movie.

4.) If you stay long passed your allotted time and continually ask for water refills I will drop a diamond ring that I got at the Dollar Store in your date’s drink and wait to see what happens.

5.) Impress your date by leaving a 20% tip. This will win you lots of points; your date will recognize that you’re a kind, generous person and not a cheap skate.

6.) Little known fact: pizza is an aphrodisiac.